I'm sorry my penis didn't work
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
