id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
