Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
