my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
