I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
