i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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