People in love make me want to vomit
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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