One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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