Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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