Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I know her cup size but not her name....
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