even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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