I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
