i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
