TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Randomize
