What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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