so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Randomize
