I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize