No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
