Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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