The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
