Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
