I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
