My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
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