wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
