well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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