Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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