Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
