Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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