Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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