Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
There's always time for handjobs
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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