I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
