I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
