I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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