all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
