1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
