I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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