she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
