using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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