Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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