Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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