I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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