my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
