we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
