9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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