I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I look excited, but its just a facade.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
