everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize