best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
