I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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