Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
