mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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