my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
