I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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