i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Terrible idea I love it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
