Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
