yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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