I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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