I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
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I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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