the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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