I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
