Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
