So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
