I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
You made out with two different species that night
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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