Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
