I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Randomize
