too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
