We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
