Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Watching her eat just hurts me
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
