captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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