In the future we'll all be gay
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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