this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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