Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Sober January is a disaster.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
