he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
True strength comes from lack of pants
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
