I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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