I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
