D3 body, D1 cock
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
try to milk me bitch
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